And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I just sharted jello shots
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
