just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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