The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
