I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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