At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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