I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
