you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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