the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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