no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
