You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
