No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
