Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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