exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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