my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize