remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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