Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
