That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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