Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
