i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
