what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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