Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
