That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My penis needs a shock collar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
