it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
