Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize