just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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