Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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