Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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