I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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