I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize