U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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