too bad you live with your parents still
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
