i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
