she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We're too hungover to prance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
