She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
