You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just invented taco cereal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You ruined the universe
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
