He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i came on her dog
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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