It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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