You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
