Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
