My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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