I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
