I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
