i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
