I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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