I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
