so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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