i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
