Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
