at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
