Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
