i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
