thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jerry, you need to find god
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
