Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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