trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
