Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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