is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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