This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
