I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
