If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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