Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
