I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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