I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
