So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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