He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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