hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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